Lies on a Bagel

By this point in your life, you should be very familiar with the Bagel Bites popular theme song. If you're not get out of America. Wait...please stay. I'll tell you. It goes like this: "Pizza in the mornin', pizza in the evenin', pizza at supper time. When pizza's on a bagel, you can have pizza anytime." The question at the frontal lobe of my brain is this: Why can we not have pizza on a bagel for lunch time? Secondly, why do people need two dinners? Why does Bagel Bites hate lunch so much that we can only have it in the morning, in the evening for dinner and then AGAIN for supper, which is just a fancy, different way of saying DINNER.

"MUST. EAT. MORE. DINNER"

 

I don't understand why the song doesn't just say: "Pizza in the morning, pizza for lunch, pizza at dinner time". Sure, it doesn't sound as cool but it eliminates the prejudice feeling that lunch is the red-headed step child of our daily meals. I had the chance to sit down with lunch and interview him on his feelings about this promotional choice of song. Lunch told me that his feelings were very hurt and he "never realized that breakfast and dinner were doing this behind his back and he feels sandwiched". He also went on to say that dinner doesn't deserve to happen twice as he's been "pick-pocketing the company wallet, if you know what I mean..." We do lunch, we do.

 

"We hate lunch. We eat 19 dinners a day and look at us! Thanks Bagel Bites!"

 

Why, Bagel Bites, WHY?! You're going against traditions that have been in America since the dawn of time. Dinosaurs loved lunch. Cave people loved lunch. Egyptians loved lunch. Jesus' favorite meal was statistically lunch. Editor's Note: We do not know Jesus' favorite meal. Bagel Bites, I know you read my blog, I saw your comment on a previous one. Just think about what you've done, okay?

 

 

Disclaimer: This sad chinese baby was not harmed nor included in this pack of 18 bagel bites to eat. This baby just found out Bagel Bites HATES lunch.