10 Ways to Make Sure Your Guy's Penis Will Want to Hide From You Forever.

Most girls in this world are batshit crazy - we know this. Everything starts out fine and two weeks into the relationship she's asking what you think about moving in together and why you don't want to have her babies. Editor's Note: This blog understands that while girls are crazy as ballz, dudes can be just as crazy and aren't completely out of the woods. While science is trying to figure out the trigger for these tuna tantrums, we still aren't close to any answers...until now. I feel, deep down in my uterus, that most girls start out totally fine until they are exposed to none other than the magazine Cosmo.

Exhibit A: See "Why Men Cheat in August" to right of Scarlett's vagina.

Editors Note: We're not complaining about Scarlett's vagina. We think it's great.

 

This is a perfect example of the ninja stelth ways that Cosmo penetrates the minds of young women with crazy. If a guy is going to cheat, he's going to do it whenever he pleases and more importantly, he's a dick. Yet, young women are subjected to these articles for "signs that their guy is cheating" when most of the signs are something ridiculous like, "Does your guy ever feel hungry? If so, he's probably cheating".

 

Exhibit B: See "The Sex Move That Brings You Closer"

Editors Note: Does the sex move involve this giant diaper she's wearing?

 

Cosmo is wildly known for it's "helpful" sex tips that are provided in each issue. But here's the kicker ladies, guys don't want you to stick your finger in their butthole. Well, some might, I suppose I can't speak for all dudes and their buttholes. The sex move that brings you closer is called having sex. The person is literally INSIDE you. Nobody's inside you except you, except for when you're having sex. Maybe just start putting out for you man and see if that helps. Then he won't cheat in August.

 

 

 

Exhibit C. I digress.

 

For the ladies that are reading, I'm not saying that if you read Cosmo, you're a psychotic B who will present guys with ultimatums, make them quit talking to their girl friends or tell them you want to get married after a month. I'm just saying to be careful and process the information before you choose to use it. I know Cosmo is the devil with a vagina a great magazine, just use it wisely. And don't take everything seriously in it because remember, there is a difference between the magazine and real life...

 

Magazine Life

 "Look at me ladies, follow these tips"

 

Real Life

"Donnnn't look at memndsan, bluurrgghhhhhh"