Bruno Mars Taken Hostage by His Vagina

BREAKING NEWS: Bruno Mars has been taken hostage by his own vagina! Friends and family of the singer have not seen or heard from him since 2009 when he started writing songs about his perfect angel, loving and missing somebody and how much he wishes he would have took a girl dancing. Given the levels of d-bag ratio that guys have in their DNA we can only safely assume that Bruno Mars has indeed been eaten by his own vagina and it is writing and producing songs for him.

 "I wonder if those new tampons really do the absorpency job I need."

 

Bruno Mars has recently released a song called "When I Was Your Man" with lyrics such as "I should have bought you flowers and held your hand", "Now I don't get to clean up the mess I made and it haunts me every time I close my eyes" and "Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name". He has even admitted that he likes a girl just the way she is - BLECH! This is clearly the work of a vagina - there is no other logical explanation behind it.

 

Surgeon General Warning: We hope this vagina isn't thinking of becoming pregnant.

 

The question we ask now is: What is the motivation behind this vaginal attack and will the merciless meat purse ever let Bruno Mars go so he can write songs that degrade and belittle women?! We're all worried and scared. Stay tuned to follow this story.

 

"Hello? Does anyone care what I have to say?"