A Swift Kick in the Nuts

It's no surprise that Taylor Swift is always in the media for her constant break-ups. Taylor dates boy, Taylor and boy break up, Taylor writes song about boy. Joe Jonas, Taylor Lautner, John Mayer, Jake Gyllenhaal, Harry Styles, Dumbledore. These are just a few of the boys/men who have been exposed to a Swift kick in the nuts. Editors Note: We cannot confirm that Harry Styles' balls have dropped yet.

 We are never, ever, ever going to find a bigger flower headband than this one.

 

 

Nope, we did.

 

Here's the thing, you guys. You guys? Here's the thing. I don't think Taylor Swift intentionally wants to have this reputation. Therefore, this brings me to the theory that she's actually an undercover agent that has been sent out to collect male semen for testing purposes. This seems 68% more logical than her just being a silly girl. I believe she is collecting the semen and shipping it in crates across the world. To test what, you ask? You guys, I'm not a federal agent. I don't know what the semen is being used for but I suspect it has something to do with illegal Muggle entry and/or carpal tunnel in young orphans. We can't be totally sure, but we can agree it makes sense.

Harry Styles: "Taylor, I can't even reproduce yet, who's is that?"

Taylor Swift: "We are never, ever, ever going to find out who's baby this is."

 

I wish Taylor Swift the best of luck in her hunt for man semen love. I do hope the day comes where she cures carpal tunnel for orphans using semen meets the man of her dreams and lives happily ever, ever, ever, ever, ever....like ever after. But Taylor, knock the song shit off. Dudes are going to be terrified to date you for two months because they'll be afraid of the song that will ensue once the breakup happens. Editors Note: Taylor Swift will read this blog. That's why she's being directly talked to.

Never.

Ever.

 

Ever.

 

Like.....ever.