Edward Cullen: Impervious to Bella's Time-of-the-Month?

We're all familiar with the story of Twilight - whether we've seen it or not. Handsome vampire falls in love with average white girl, Indian tribe dude falls in love with average white girl also but goes un-noticed until he cuts his fucking hair, average white girl can't decide between handsome vampire or washboard abs, makes stupid decisions, drives everyone crazy, yadda yadda yadda.

"Is anybody listening to anything I say?"

But the thing that really erks me is that Edward can't stand to kiss or makeout or sometimes even be in close proximity to Bella without freaking out. So the question that pegs my mind is; what the hell does he do when she's surfing the crimson wave? Clearly, they spend enormous amounts of time together as he's creepily watching her sleep every night and softly hums "I'll Be Watching You" by The Police (check the deleted scenes) so it's apparent that they are inseparable and he refuses to leave her side in case she needs any protecting from raggedy pony-tailed vampires. Is Edward immune, impervious, impenetrable and other I-words to Bella's mences?

"Now that I don't have a period, my knuckles are so dry"

 

Does Edward leave Bella alone for that whole week? Does he make her give him the tampons when she's done with them so he can feed his family? Does he use his mind-reading abilities on her uterus to make it shut down? Bella is a grown woman, we know she's got the wounded clam. And I'd venture to say she's a pretty regular girl, I can tell that about her, I have that gift.

"Remember when I was a Wiz?"

 



Maybe there is no such thing as menopause. Maybe when women go through it, they've really just been turned into a vampire. Scientifically, I think I'm on to something. I'll digress here, but I can assure you I'll never stop wondering. I'll spend the rest of my life wondering (until I turn into a vampire and then I won't wonder, vampires don't ever wonder) how he was able to do it. And I know other people* will too.



*When I say "people" I really just mean myself as it's hard for me to imagine somebody else out there is as retarded as I am to question something so ridiculous like Bella's jam donuts.