Let the Great Experiment Begin!

Let me tell you a little about myself.

I grew up in a small, forested area filled with little people. I spent most of my days smoking a pipe and doing quite nothing until one day my uncle abandoned me for his own selfish reasons and upon leaving left me with a very interesting heirloom, a ring. Shortly after, a wandering wizard uninvited-ly came into my house and my life to warn me of the dangers of the ring. I set off on a journey filled with names that sound similar, sexual tension with my best friend and a vagina that watched people from on top of a tower. I spent many months walking without shoes and finally destroyed the ring by not really doing much myself. I now live in a duplex that I share with an elf named Arturo. That's all a lie and is actually mostly from Lord of the Rings. If you've caught on, we're going to get along great. Let's start again...

I'm a wizard (this is the true part). I sense your fear and can assure you that I will never use hurtful magic on you unless you are Voldemort and I will more than likely know if you are because his blogger username is AvedaKedavraBitchin.

I am perverted, quirky, weird and often accused of being drunk or on drugs. I'm neither of those things. I enjoy life, cereal, miniature things, pizza, pickle fingers, lightsabers, animals that dance and all things associated with 90210. Also, some of those things I just listed are a lie. Sometimes I think my rapper name would be Mike Check, 1, 2 and I feel the only creature more rare and majestic than a unicorn is a Mexican chupcabra who feed only on goats and are known for their obsession with candy. I think you can have your cake and eat it too and if you don't believe me I will bake YOU a cake (your cake) and literally make you eat the entire thing, too. But I would do that because I love you.

In short, I am blatantly ridiculous. I will post blogs about my adventures, my horror stories, new spells that I've come up with and all things in between. But, all I want is for some poor soul to stumble across my blog and smile or laugh at least once. That, would make my day.