Do you find yourself worrying and fretting over the coming
of the zombie apocalypse someday? Fret no more! Yes, you’ll eventually get
ripped apart like a piece of taffy by a flesh eating monster but you’ll look
good doing it! Studies (and by studies we mean popular tv shows and movies
because they are always more valid and more accurate than real life science)
have shown that once the zombie apocalypse actually begins you don’t lose your
perfectly styled hair, that makeup you had on, or your rock hard body.
"It’s right behind me? Thank god I have this gel in and
these chiseled features. Jesus, I look good."
Great news, ladies! During the zombie apocalypse you
never have to shave again! The hair never grows back on your legs, your
armpits, your face, or your muff camp, leaving you always looking refreshed and young. Worried
that your downstairs messy parts won’t be cleanly enough to take you to pound
town during the apocalypse? Worry no more! According to our research
the wildly accurate shows and movies we watch, your fingerhut or wizard’s sleeve is
always clean and never needs washing, trimming, or scrubbing.
“Don’t worry, my clam bake doesn’t eat brains.”
You can have sweat, dirt, flesh, blood, or somebody else’s shit covering your entire body but it’ll magically disappear, and it will
never even smell! It doesn’t matter if you’ve been wearing the same clothes for
2 years, you will look amazing and your friends will wish they’d had better
survival skills so they can look amazing too! (But they’re dead. Everyone is
dead and you will be soon too but you look good. You look so god damn good). It
doesn’t even have to be a zombie apocalypse! You’ll look good even if your
plane crashes and you’re stranded on an island for 6 years. IT WORKS EVERYWHERE!
"Remember us? Look how good we still look. The island
presented us with gifts of white shirts and prom dresses. We love this life."
Honestly, we at the Not Daily Prophet can’t WAIT for the
zombie apocalypse to happen. Running for your life from dead people who eat
your flesh has never looked so good! Thanks to the zombie apocalypse you’ll
never have to spend hours on your hair and makeup, you’ll never have to work
out again; you’ll look better than you ever have! Nothing can go wrong!
Except
this. This could go very wrong. You might lose an eye. Be weary of losing eyes.
Editor’s Note: Here at the Not Daily Prophet we are fully
aware that the jokes being referenced in this blog are from television shows
and movies with actors who must look good, and that it is not real life. We at the Not Daily
Prophet are also sad that we have to even put this editor’s note because people
are so stupid sometimes. Lighten up, walkers!
