Wednesday, September 23rd marked the first official day of Fall. For most, it was a glorious day to celebrate the start of a new season filled with favorite
holidays and warmer hipster clothes. For others, like Becky Renee Ashleyson, the beautiful day will forever be remembered as one of tragedy and sadness.
Becky Renee Ashleyson, age 22
Becky, a 22 year old who works at the department store
Basically Basic, received some very disturbing test results late Wednesday afternoon.
“I woke up with, like, a rash, you know? I didn’t know what was happening.” Becky
quickly jumped into the Porsche she’s never paid for and headed straight for her
BFF’s house, Christy. “I asked Christy if she’d been having any weird symps
because we hung the prev day for mani/peds but, she like, didn’t even know what the EFF I was jabbing on about
and tbh I was even confusing myself, like, where the hell am I? You know?”
Becky quickly scheduled a doctor’s appointment all by herself had
her parents call and schedule a doctor's appointment for her and spent the rest of the
day waiting nervously for the results of her rash to come back.
Becky's newly painted pumpkin nails, betch.
The results Becky received were far from great, Becky had
developed a deathly allergic reaction to all things pumpkin flavored, scented, and anything even looking like or resembling a pumpkin. When
Becky got the call and heard the news from her doctor she immediately
collapsed to the floor, knocking her H&M scarf right off of her neck. “I don’t even know
what to say right now, tbh, I feel….betrayed. I think my bae gave me the
allergy.” Becky’s mom has been in a tornado of panic and fury after hearing the
news, worried that the nearby Starbucks will now have to close down without
Becky’s daily visits.
Becky's bae, Pabst
We were able to speak with Becky one last time before concluding
our interview, and she was very clearly upset. “I just….how am I even supposed
to go on Instagram and Snapchat now? I can’t show my face on there, not anymore, not without
pumpkin related and Fall filtered pictures. This was not the perfect Fall day I thought it would
be. I don’t even want to wear my leggings, do you even? I can’t even.“
CANT. EVEN.
This is an incredibly difficult time for Becky and her
family and here at the Not Daily Prophet we ask that you respect the Ashleyson’s
wishes, for now is a time to mourn the many pairs of boots that Becky won’t
wear this season, the pumpkin patches she won’t visit, and the pumpkin spice
lattes from Starbucks. God damnit, why, the pumpkin spice lattes.
