Patrice Mahogany, a 35 year old suburbanite from a small town in
North Dakota came to today after a year of not responding to friends or family.
She “woke up” to find her house covered in copious amounts of do-it-yourself
projects such as handmade doilies, mason jars that had been crafted into spice
holders and a disarray of quinoa recipes all over her kitchen. Patrice also
realized her husband and kids had moved out of the home. “I don’t know where
they went. I think I remember them leaving but, I just remember screaming at my
5-year old daughter to leave me her glitter glue and pom-poms because I was
making a bird house, everything else is a blur”.
Patrice Mahogany's bathroom counter.
Patrice Mahogany's office.
Patrice Mahogany's face.
Patrice Mahogany is yet another victim of Pinterest
addiction, a useful (and dangerously addicting) site that shows a person how to make, cook or find anything
their heart desires. People all over the world would rather learn how to make
the world’s best rice krispie treats rather than take care of their own family. When we asked Patrice if she hopes her family will return she responded by saying,
"I just found 174,000 different things you can do with a coffee filter!"
Umm...exactly.
Rebecca Montez, another victim of Pinterest addiction, is a college student in Northern Colorado
who hasn’t slept or attended classes in 3 years. Her parents, distraught, say that
they wish she would deactivate her account and get an education. “I juz like,
don’ care bout school. Okay? I ain’t never gonna have kids, I have my boards to
worry about. Making cheese. Oh shit, thas’ cool”, Rebecca said, during our
interview which was conducted while she watched a tutorial on how to make the
perfect cat eyeliner.
Rebecca Montez, pictured above, after a long night of pingeing.
We sat down with the president of Pinterest, and asked him
how he feels about ruining people’s lives and stealing their valuable time. “Personally,
I’m offended you would even be pinterested in pinning this on me. I always have
our users best pinterest at heart. I can’t help that they’re board at work,
looking for pinteresting ways to spend their time. If you're looking to schedule a pintervention for these people I won't have it. As for the young college girl, she just suffers from pinsomnia, that has nothing to do with me. Pinterest. “ The message was
clear.
For people like Patrice and Rebecca, there is no life after
a Pinterest addiction. “I guess I’ll
just live on the streets”, Patrice said at the end of the interview, “but I’ll
build the streets, because I know how to do that now…”This editorial and its
staff have no hope for neither Patrice nor Rebecca.
